“It doesn't matter
which side of the fence
you get off on sometimes.
What matters most is getting off.
You cannot make progress
without making decisions.”
Jim Rohn
april 1
lately that is what i feel
i have been sitting on a fence
wishing to jump off
to feel my toes in the dewy grass
but alas i keep sitting
frustrating a bit
how not feeling well can change your world
i wake every morning
hoping for that surge of energy
to rush through my veins
wanting badly to jump
and move about just as i did before
we met with the pulmanologist last week
had another cat scan
which found a lymph node
in the center of my chest measuring 2cm
she will be watching it
and rechecking in 6 months, 1 year and then 2 years
making sure it has not grown
i have not allowed my mind
to wander down that path
only positive thoughts i have held
reguarding this finding
yesterday brought the cardiologist appointment who reassured me
the rhuematologist will bring forth the best answers to all of this mess
{which is april 14}
but she still needs to rule out things on her side
so yesterday was a stress test and i was sent home with a heart monitor
that i will keep for a month
each time i have chest pain
i push a little button
and it records what my heart is doing
sounds exciting right!
and then next friday i go in for a "bubble study"
during this fun little experiment
they will be looking to see
if i have a tiny hole in my heart
that never closed at birth
i kind of feel i am on a wild goose chase
but very thankful i guess
that they are checking every possible orfice
that exist within and on me...hehehe
so shall i just stay up on this here little fence
a wee bit more
or try and jump???
only time will tell
51 comments:
I will wish you a fluffy, satin striped tush pillow for the wait. It will have a secret pocket for wishes and hopes and the pocket will be brimming with all good things for you and a check list of all the things you have to be thankful for. And on the other side will be a hideaway slit where you can put those momentary negative thoughts.....they are gobbled up immediately and dispelled.
Enjoy your tush pillow my dear friend.
The Olde Bagg
Just sit and rest on your new tush pillow! Let the world go by for now and take advantage of your time out to rest. Hugs!
Well, I feel for you. I finally got a referral to a rheumo and go on April 7~~~and figure the body will decide THAT is the day that nothing hurts....*rolls eyes* Six pages of health questions....I think I am a train wreck!
The uncertainty of NOT KNOWING is far worse that knowing and just forging on.
Maybe you could slide off the fence enough to let your toes dangle in the dewy grass? :-)
No wisdom; just commiseration!
XXOO~~♥
Anne
i know too well this lack of energy - the fatigue that seeps into every fiber of your being - except your heart and imagination so you are forced to only think of things you wish you had strength and energy to do and it totally sucks and i wish so much that you were not going through this!
let me leave you with this thought that came to me while reading your post - perhaps try viewing your time sitting on the fence as your time to rest and recup while enjoying the view? ---- love you <3
Having a chronic illness or illness' myself, I know the frustration, confusion and disappointment of having to wake up each day and fence sitting. I've been feeling a lot of that lately too. I don't have the same circumstances you do, but I know the feeling...I guess if anything postive that's come of "sitting on the fence" with illness' is having to live in the moment. It sucks a lot of times though, compared to how I used to have the energy to climb mountains with unending energy and health.
Know that I'm thinking of you and sending you blessings for healing, faith, courage and the ability to enjoy the beauty of the small things in life.
Oh Sweet friend,
I am so sorry for all that you are having to go through! I wish I could do something, anything to take away all of these health issues that you are facing! You are and have been in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep us posted and hang in there, I know God is with you, watching over you.
Big hugs,
Sincerely,
Melinda
thinking of you....always.
much love...xoxoxox
Sorry that you are having to deal with these issues...will keep you in my thoughts...
Ah, the fence, encircles, excludes, and protects.
Daily you are in my remembrances and prayers.
I know a little about suddenly facing health issues.
Blessings and wishing you the very best!
I know these feelings well...the longing the jump, the lack of energy to do so, not even knowing which side to jump too if I could.
Imagine a nest on top of that fence, and each of us are the grass and mud and downy feathers of comfort that are supporting you as you rest and view the world from your protected perch. I know it is frightening up there, so many questions unanswered...know that you are loved and held tenderly by your friends and family, that you are NOT alone.
I am sorry "the wait" continues. I know how frustrating this must be. But take this time to rest and reflect on all the little beauties that life has to give. Nature has such a healing effect - not only on the body but the soul, too. Know that you are in my thoughts...xoxo Theresa
Sending positive energy your way, wishing only the best. In my prayers and thoughts.
FW - sorry we have not visited lately - been away from home a lot and technology overseas was not great. It is frustrating to still be looking for answers - good that the Drs are still positive and you are probably shortening the list and zeroing in on what needs to be resolved. Can't gong our bell when we are not at home but still thinking of you and sending positive healing vibes. May you be inspired to begin to do a small creative thing a day - not too stressy but feel a little of the dew on your toe-tips. Go well and continue to think well. B
Hello my friend. I'm sorry to return here to find out that you're still in pain. I pray that things turn out for the better and that you'll finally have that chance to leap and cheer again.
Meanwhile, please find comfort in rest and solace.
Hugs, oxx
Gosh you are really going through the mill. At least they are checking everything. Keep taking good care of yourself and one day soon you'll wake with that wonderful sense of energy again, I just know it!
Hugs
xx
Hmm, fence sitting... most frustrating and exceedingly uncomfortable too! How we long to scramble to the bottom and luxuriate in all the goodness we can see below. Yet we know that, with the effort required to actually climb down, we would have little energy left to truly explore. And so we wobble and cling, blinking away the tears that sparkle in our eyes, grieving for all that we once knew and enjoyed: unbridled freedom!
Yet, from this lofty vantage point, we have the advantages of gaining a wider perspective and an altogether different view than simply looking down! Instead, we can look UP to see new unexplored vistas that are out there beyond the horizon... how limitless are the depths of the skies above our heads. Maybe the time has come, my dear friend, to leave our 'caterpillar' days behind us and to begin to stretch out our wings to take flight... to soar to fresh heights and to explore new sights that we would never have previously known before, let alone dreamed or imagined!
I do not claim to understand why it is that we sometimes endure such pain, heartache and confusion in our lives. But I do know that they needn't define us or limit our subsequent days either. Instead they provide us with an opportunity for transformation and renewal... to explore a brave new world of possibilities... to continue on our journey into becoming all that we are destined to be in the first place.
I pray for courage, dear Faerwillow, and for continued peace and healing to flood your very heart and soul with their warm, empowering light.
Hugs xxxx
holding you in my heart today!
Sounds like you are having a rough time dear one. Wishing you health, healing and warmth xxj
Sending love and light and thoughts and prayers!
Some times it is the wait that's the hardest. Wishing you all the best for good results.
signed...a self confessed fence sitter.
I have been thinking about you lately - and now I know why ;) I do hope you are well - I will send you my best vibes! Take good care, Kristin xoxo
You've been on my mind - I'm glad that you have a crew of doctors working to find out what's going on. It's so important to have people invested in us.
Although our healthcare is free in Canada, it is very difficult to get a complacent doctor to do much checking into your health. I have to hop around the local walk-in clinics to find someone who will listen as my doctor usually cannot be bothered.
I do hope with all these tests, you'll get some answers. Hugs to you - and sit as long as you like!
thinking of you today...sending love to you:-)
Hello, my sweet friend!! Just stopping by to say I am thinking of you and sending all my love and healing energy!! Much love, Silke
Dear friend, you have been in my thoughts much of late. Things here are still not good either, and it troubles me more to discuss them, ONLY because I feel like lately that is all that comes out of my mouth, bad or sad things. I try to be positive, but it is most difficult. I am feeling the anti-depressant is not working so well.
as for your question...perhaps if you are even feeling better enough to ask it, it is a good sign and maybe you should try to spread your wings a bit. I am so sorry i have not been here in a bit, but have been dealing with some family issues. Please post and let us all know how you made out on the 14th.
always with positive and loving thoughts for you :)
Sunny Spring blessings,
Susan
The 14th was my birthday...supposed to be a good day right?! What say you...or, more to the point, the doctors?
Thinking about you....
checking in to let you know you are in my heart today:-)
Oh my goodness, I have been away for so long. I miss you. I am thinking of you and sending along prayers for healing and energy.
xoxo
Jane
Sending much love to you today!!
hello dear lady
i don't like that you have to go through all of this. but if they find out why you suffer and can help you, then it is worth it.
I am thinking of you, sending you light to be used as you wish.
warmly
If you jump, may wings appear on your angel back and take you wherever you choose to go. No jumping? Then a comfy fence and many people who love you to help you contemplate if you wish.
Many hugs. I was thinking of you today...
ah, you did make me chuckle with your orifice remark.
holding you in my thoughts.
sending you many warm wishes for strength and peace, my friend.... hope to hear from you soon!
Jump... make sure it's a big one, jump over all the shit & onto a healthy happy future :)
Warm thoughts your way....
just popping in to say you are in my heart and mind today...sorry for the Hallmark-esque rhyme...these were the words that flowed from my fingers:-)
I remain on your side of the fence with thoughts of love, light and healing energy!
love & ((hugs)), magnolia
Thinking of you! You are in my prayers!
sending love & a ((hug))
I've not been around making too many blog visits lately...but I wanted to simply pop in and say hello...let you know that you are always in my heart and prayers dear one.
Stopping by to say Hi and let you know I am thinking about you, and you are in my prayers!
sending a ((hug)), magnolia
just checking in to make sure yor doing ok your always not far from my thoughts hugs x x x
Me too. I am thinking of you often and hoping you are well. Much love, Kristin xo
thinking of you
with love
sending light always
I am organizing a virtual party my blog, I invite you to participate if you like it.
The theme of the party are the fairies.
On 24 June, "World Day of the fairies".
You can wear a button to your blog.
In my blog I have a translator.
Hugs
haven't forgotten about you...holding you in my heart with a healing prayer.
Thinking of you. Hope all is well...
hi my fren ... thought of you and wondered how you are doing. hope all is well and everything is under control! will send positive thoughts along your way :)
HUGS and lots of healing LOVE ...
Luthien xoxoxo
you remain in my heart thoughts and prayers dear one.
thinking of you
sending you light and magic
be well ~
I've not forgotten you, and continue to hold you in my prayers dear one.
I've been thinking of you. You are in my prayers and thoughts - blessings of love and light to you. xx
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~your thoughts i do adore...thank you so for taking time to leave your words of wisdom~