“I've learned that people
will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget
how you made them feel.”
Maya Angelou
feb. 12
good morning
its funny cause i am really not quite sure where these days have gone
i was speaking with my mil last night and she ask how my love was doing
i started laughing and told her
"i think he is doing alright, to be honest i don't really remember these past evenings since i came home except for last night and the night before. i see him in the morning for a quick minute before he leaves and well he seems alright...he has been coming back home...so thats a good sign and i have yet to find a dear john letter...so hopefully he is managing...today i spoke with him at lunch and he was all excited about buying mouse traps for work...so ya i think he is doing ok...
i have tried to sit here
and write a few times
but just didn't have it in me
my days have yet to slow
i am forever grateful
for those in my life who have been my taxi
and watchers over our littles
i am honestly beyond words
each one of you
i carry in my heart
i hear your whispers of strength
and feel the love you send forth
your blessings and well wishes
comments emails cards sent forth
have helped keep me going each day
once more
i give you my heartfelt thank yous
my appreciation
my gratitude
for having such
uniquely beautiful caring friends
in my life
i really couldn't ask for more
i am regaining a bit of my stregth
with each rising sun
one could only imagnine
the road traveled down
i have had appointments back to back
blood draws daily
shots for the last twelve days in my tummy
trying to get my warfrin levels where they should be
as of last night...my levels are up!!! hopefully no more shots!!!
shots for the last twelve days in my tummy
trying to get my warfrin levels where they should be
as of last night...my levels are up!!! hopefully no more shots!!!
and
pills pills pills
what a way to live
just joking
yesterday morning was the first day off pain meds
and trying a different medicine to treat my pain
yesterday morning was the first day off pain meds
and trying a different medicine to treat my pain
i met with
"my team"
kind of funny when they told me
i will have
"my own team"
who will
i will have
"my own team"
who will
monitor my blood levels
and work with me
and work with me
let me tell ya i really felt special then...hehehe
its been a long string of days
and tuesday was another trip back to the e.r.
due to pain in my chest and spine
good news
they did another cat scan of my lungs
some of my clots
have already left my lungs
so there is hope!!!
the other day was my neurologist appointment
and tuesday was another trip back to the e.r.
due to pain in my chest and spine
good news
they did another cat scan of my lungs
some of my clots
have already left my lungs
so there is hope!!!
the other day was my neurologist appointment
she explained at the hospital
there are only five reasons
one would get a blood clots
there are only five reasons
one would get a blood clots
pregnancy
check...but anout five and a half years ago
post surgery
check...about two years ago
stroke
check...after surgery...diagnosed as a possible tia
blood clot disorder
check...there are some finding that put me at a higher risk
m.s.
possible due to where we live
she also checked me for having epilepsy...though completely unrelated to the ones our wee littlest has
she also checked me for having epilepsy...though completely unrelated to the ones our wee littlest has
we have been anxious
to know the
why
why
as to all of this happening
NOT SO GOOD NEWS
as we spoke wit the nuerologist
i was hopeful
as what she was saying
was nothing alarming or frightful
well i guess
she believes in saving the the best for last
three of my blood tests came back positive for
lupus
because of the fragmin shot
i am still taking to get my blood levels up
it can cause false positives
even for lupus
so i am now waiting to hear from a hematologist
and he will do another work up of my blood
and check for what autoimmune disorder it is
that made my ana come back positive
relieved i finally may be on the right path
as far as my health is concerned
possibly all this unknown whys coming to an end
and being able to move forward
living and caring for myself
in the best possible way
i am ok
i think mainly because of the pain meds
kind of numbed my emotions a bit i think
so where ever this little bump in the road will lead
i shall follow just as i was before
i will continue to live my life
and take each day as it comes
once more
i thank you
each of you
a gift above and beyond
i ever imagined
having such
loving spirits to walk this path with me
life truly is grand
as we spoke wit the nuerologist
i was hopeful
as what she was saying
was nothing alarming or frightful
well i guess
she believes in saving the the best for last
three of my blood tests came back positive for
lupus
because of the fragmin shot
i am still taking to get my blood levels up
it can cause false positives
even for lupus
so i am now waiting to hear from a hematologist
and he will do another work up of my blood
and check for what autoimmune disorder it is
that made my ana come back positive
relieved i finally may be on the right path
as far as my health is concerned
possibly all this unknown whys coming to an end
and being able to move forward
living and caring for myself
in the best possible way
i am ok
i think mainly because of the pain meds
kind of numbed my emotions a bit i think
so where ever this little bump in the road will lead
i shall follow just as i was before
i will continue to live my life
and take each day as it comes
once more
i thank you
each of you
a gift above and beyond
i ever imagined
having such
loving spirits to walk this path with me
life truly is grand
33 comments:
I send you love and healing dear one. You are in my thoughts. Blessings.
I feel so very badly that I've missed out on all the things going on with you. I have not even had the time or energy to get around to visiting blogs. I simply have no idea where the time has gone. I promise to get around here more often. I will hold you in my thoughts for healing.
Hang on to faith and her sister, hope Faerwillow..You're doing exactly what you need to heal and thrive. You are going through some stormy times, but I also know you're letting yourself be warmed by the sun peeking through. We all love you and I'm sending blessings of healing and courage to you.
i've been thinking of you....and holding you in my heart.
much love...xoxox
oh my goodness dear lady,
I had no idea this was happening to you. my heart leans towards yours with wishes for clarity, health and for the spirit of grace to fly into your life guiding you each step of the way. Sending light, now and always.
Tammie
lots of "if's" and "possibilities", "your team" is still scanning for answers, they will come. you are right on schedule, you are doing a great job, of "being " yourself.
sending love and light and energy....magnolia
You have been on my mind. Sending prayers and positive energies your way. (((Hugs))) dear friend.
Mary
i've been in and out of blogland unaware of your med. issues. sending best thoughts and prayers. God Bless rose
Oh, Beautiful Friend!! Sending you healing light and love to build your strength and peace of mind. May you and your family turn this chapter of life into a blessing beyond imagining.....You are a shining star, and have the power to heal and inspire others to heal. Many Blessings!
Oh my sweet, sweet friend I have been remiss in my visitation and didn't realize you had been so ill until just now! Know that you have my love and I will light a candle wrapped in healing and dabbed with herbs just for you dear heart. I know how scary the lupus result can be, as I was misdiagnosed with that (as opposed to the Lyme disease that I actually have) a few years back. Hold on to hope and your beautiful family and it will make all of the pill taking, blood losing and doctor seeing all the more bearable. May you and yours be blessed with the brightest of lights and plentiful of blessings on the other side of this hill. ~*hugs*~
Hello faerwillow..many hugs of love and light and healing to you. Know you are in my thoughts and heart and I am here for you always..i know we are "bloggy friends"..but please know fomr my heart that if you ever need a friend feel free to email me! HUgs and much love for all the special light you shine out to the universe!
Kiki~
My ANAs are positive and my sed rate is elevated, so I too, am in the "anxious zone" trying to figure out what possible "connective tissue disease" I might have. They are sending me to a Rheumatologist...we went down this road, after I went through all I went through with the MRSA and wrist, and then the knee replacement (gotta love those tummy shots) I never heard of seeing a Neurologist for autoimmune disease, I'll have to look into that for myself.
I am SOOOOO grateful to hear that you have a TEAM, just stay vigilante, and ask questions, do research and make sure they do all they can.
Remember 2nd opinions are important, and OFTEN find things the first opinion missed...Trust me I have worked in the medical field all and all about 20+ years. Please ask for a brain MRI to R/O MS. (as it can be missed otherwise...an MRI is the ONLY true tool to see if, and how much it has progressed. I did my MR Pathology presentation to my Department(university-senior year) on MS. My niece was DXed at the age of 31, no one in our family, has had it, (some families do have a propensity for it) She was told that certain viruses, if attack the same body often enough can lead to MS, just as it can with Type 1 Diabetes Mellitus.
so Imaging gold standard for MS...MRI
for stroke...CT
for Pulmonary embolisms...Nuclear VQ scan
I am BEYOND grateful, that you have a good support network to help with your children, that is so very important. Make sure someone is helping with YOU. Eat, drink, rest, even if in bed move all your joints from time to time. AND...helping you to get out of your own head-space, which we all know can be our own worst enemy at times. You have been in my DAILY thoughts, seriously. I was even talking about you to Ron the other day, the day after his eye surgery.
We are dealing with our own physical and health issues, AND neither of us is supposed to be lifting anything(he for another week or so) so, we haven't been doing real well in heating the house, as our son has left us high and dry.
We are basically letting the stove almost completely die, before loading it again to stretch the wood we have down at the house.
I have been wearing my wrist brace almost round the clock to be of what help I can.
Which has gotten me out of my head-space, and made me fight harder. SOOO maybe I have always been right when I say..."Things happen for a reason." I believe in FATE. What HAS been the hard lesson, is NOT knowing what that reason is, and sometimes NEVER finding out what it is, and unfortunately finding the reason is NOT something you wanted, expected or know how to deal with. I was watching an episode of Criminal minds last night, an episode I have seen many times. At the end the character named Rossi, says; "Life is an awful thing to happen to a person." (in that particular episode it was so dead-on) I think this quote says much for all of us, and also makes us think that "Life is a beautiful thing to happen to a person."
MUCH love, many blessings, and continued prayers and energy sending your way,
xo Susan
I'm glad you're receiving such good medical care and they are zeroing in on what the issues are. I know you will come through all this with flying colours and in time, your life will settle down again, back to its normal rhythms. Best wishes always, Faerwillow!
(((Faerwillow))) My thoughts and prayers continue to go up Dear Sister...
Hang in There! Be as Fluid as our lovely element Water...and bless each glass before you drink it so that healing goes into your body with each sip you take...
Sending Love and Healing on the Wings of Dove!
xoxoxo
lovely lady, please know you have never been far from my thoughts. love, healing and strength prayers are yours continually. XOXO The Olde Bagg, Linda
Your positive spirit is such a gift! I know that it will be one of your most prized tools in your belt. I too am sending out positive healing thoughts your way. Whatever the outcome I know that you will face it with grace and wisdom.
I've been thinking of you my deary. My thoughts are prayers are certainly with you and I hope the answers that are now in darkness come to light.
May all the positive thoughts from your blogland friends lift you up!!!
Curious what in your area, or any area - makes it prone to more people with MS?
I ask the moon and sun to carry my love and light and take it to you. I hope the blood test come out negative; I'm wishing for false positives.
Many hugs, darling.
Lots of love and healing to you my friend. Warmest wishes and hugs.
xx
I'm so sorry, I'd not called in for a while and I'm only reading about all this now for the first time! My heart goes out to you my friend, and although we have never met I'll be thinking of you all the way over here on the other side of the Pond. Take care and keep your loved ones close xx
I'm hoping every arduos step, every uncomfortable test, everything you're enduring is that much closer to finding answers at the other end...
I worked with a girl at the Spa who had Lupus....she was an incredible Massage Therapist, Aestetician, Wife and Children's Advocate....
She always found so much in herself to give, so freely, this made her so happy and such a joy to be around....You remind me of her...
You'll get to a place of peace, my Friend....we'll all help in any way we can!
Dear One, I am glad to hear your news and the bright way you see all. Do you know of Ayurveda, I have great faith in this system, there are ways to bring you back in balance and I hope that you will reach it once again. Thank you always for your inspiration!
my dear fren ... you have been so brave to go thru what you had to go thru these past few months. i am glad that at least there are some good news to be had. your strength amazes me, your positivity is something that i have to learn. i would have crumpled in anxiety. my thoughts are with you and i know that you will get well in no time. positive energy ALWAYS works. :)
BIG BIG HUGS!!!
luthien :)
Dearest Faerwillow, please know that you are in my thoughts...take care my sweet blog friend x
My dear child, it pains me to hear of one so caring suffering. Know that we are all thinking of you and wishing you an abundance of health to make up for the pain you are in now. With much love. xx
it is funny sometimes the curves that life seems to throw at us out of the blue. You are a strong soul and because of that such an inspiration to so many. Sometimes I think things occur so that in some silly sort of manner we can be a beacon to others. Usually in ways that we do not even fully understand and many we will never even know about.
I know that you have touched countless people with your beauty and subtle gentleness. It is not just those in your area or even in blogland. I have read over your post as of late and always marvel at the depth with which you show life and your view... It is a positive beautiful approach that many do not have the ability to see as easily as some. You help to make it more visiable.
I hope that as the days continue you regain some form of normalcy as well as continue to receive positive news. You are a vessel to so many. Blessings to you and yours. And know that warm thoughts and blessings always come from my way even when I may not always comment. You are on my mind and heart often.
This is all so familiar to me...and my heart is breaking for you/with you and your family as the road twists and turns, and yet of course I am filled with awe for the grace you are clearly responding with as you discover gratitude in the midst of the whirlwind. It is such a frightening "space" to be...and yet you are there, you are present, you are not completely stopped in your tracks and inventing even more frightening scenarios than the ones that are already there/here, as some would be apt to do...you are flowing with each day. You are in full on action mode, doing what needs to be done...including resting and allowing the pain meds to give you the respite you need. We are all here courageous friend, absolutely, praying for healing, the healing that comes from opening to the challenges with grace and gratitude exactly as you are.
bless you sweet friend
Ah, my dear sweet Faerwillow. You have been held so tightly in my thoughts and prayers these past days and will continue to be so in the days to come. I am soooo relieved that you are atlast getting some 'answers' and, with a designated team 'on the case'and keeping you updated, this must all be so very reassuring. Whatever the outcome, you will atleast know the 'lay of the land' ahead and will no doubt meet this with the very same courage and inspirational gentleness of spirit that we have come to know and love so very much.
With each new dawn, I pray that you will continue to be renewed and strengthened in body and soul, sweet friend. And may you continue to know just how precious you are to us and how deeply loved too.
Hugs Jo xxx
Dearest friend, I am so sorry for the pain and uncertainty you've experienced. I am very happy that your "team" will help heal you and bring you back to health. And all of us will be here with you in spirit sending you love and many well wishes! Take care and know that I am thinking of you...xoxo Theresa
oh sweetie.
what a trying time, meds and Dr visits. no fun.
the uncertainty is surely a test of courage and patience and trust in the universal plan.
much healing and love your way.
Just stopping by to say that you've in my mind and in my prayers, my friend. I'm sending a warm blizzard full of mega healing hugs.
Dearest Faerwillow just dropped by to check in.... im so glad you found the strength to drop a message... its hard to be cheery and 'chat' when not feeling too good but as i have learnt it also does you good too. Keep getting stronger and stronger once youve got a diagnoses things will settle back down, i think the not know is the worst. Once you know for sure you can 'accept' it and learn to live with 'it' whatever it may be... untill then my thoughts are with you :) loving hugs x x x belated Valentines wishes x x x
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~your thoughts i do adore...thank you so for taking time to leave your words of wisdom~