i was talking with a dear friend and husband the other day about life...about blogging...about people who fill my world...
i am at a point of frustration from...lack there of compassion...selflessness that others do not hold...worlds that only revolve around them...ones who for some time have been very close and apart of our daily lives...time passes by and colors unfold...i start to wonder how i never saw what truly lay within...it takes for for the ugliness to show...the repetative complaining...inconsistant carelessness...the poor me to drive into my every being like nails pinning me down...wearing and tearing at my soul...i am left mystified.
i feel we all travel down roads that we would rather not have choosen...the paths we've crossed darker than we've expected...walked along as if life is continually throwing stones...sat near the ending pondering what else will come...i have been there...i have experienced the likes of which...i have felt pain bursting through my every being...life slipping through my fingers like the sands of time...lost and scared of having no idea where to turn or which direction i should go...i have been and never wish to return to such...i am in no way perfect nor will i ever be but i accept and take responsibility for where i have gone... there are those that will sit and wait for more to come...wallowing in self pity and driving themselves further in to the gloom that lingers...and then there are those that acknowledge pain and suffering...endure and process yet choose at some point to pick themselves up along the way and try to change their course in a different direction...
i was sharing my thoughts with each and explained why i have enjoyed blogging so much...not just to share with others my thoughts or photography but to be surrounded by people who are constantly seeking better...trying to do more with their life...accepting faults...trying to conquer hurdles that have been thrown before them...being aware of their emotions they are exposing to us...sorting and figuring...i am left feeling gratitude as i have learned from many and been inspired to strive harder...push my limits even more...i try hard in my daily life to be aware of negative...if i have been nasty...hurtful or harmful...i reflect back upon my actions and keep a mental note to try harder the next time...approach situations with a different perspective...but there are just some who can not and will not look for another option..
.they are determined to remain as they are...its frustrating to me.
my husband said...blogging you have no connections or ties...you can leave one as you wish and move about...if you don't find positive energy or happiness or enjoyment you can move forward...there are no strings attached...you do not see these people on a day to day basis...face to face...its as you choose...if you feel like a visit a conversation you do as you wish...
his words are true in someways...and in others i had to disagree...there are connections that have been made and though i can not see you face to face...i am connected by words...
just trying to process the wholeness and beauty of what it is to be a friend and how you wish to surround yourself...do you try and continue to bring forth people who intensify your happiness...challenge you to greater heights or continue to surround yourself by those who are constantly weighing you down..mentally and physically?
my grandfather always said to me growing up
your friends are a reflection of yourself
choose wisely as this is how the world will see you
8 comments:
I heartily agree with you. We do make connections. When a blogger isn't around for days or disappears, I worry. For me, who in my golden age have become a couch potato, blogging is my means of socialization outside of the work place, and the friends I meet here become an important part of my life. I feel your joy; I feel your pain. Each of you have become a part of my extended family. I learn something from each of you and am blessed to have you in my life.
Mary
Yes dear Faerwillow - the connetions are not imaginary. Your grandfather was a wise man. And even in your 'real' life you are not obliged to surround yourself with destructive or self pitying people. It doesn't mean that you lack compassion to leave them behind. It means that you keep your energy to use it for those who have solid intentions to 'advance' in this world... Sometimes being compassionate also means being tough... Look after yourself and choose all your friends wisely - not for how the world will see you, but for how you will see yourself. Love
PS - we all go through a bad patch now and then, and that is when our friends are invaluable to us. But there is a difference between going through a bad patch and living a whole life that way. YOu are not responsible for fixing the problems of every person under the sun. our first allegiance is to yourself then to your children (and husband).
When I keep reading negative posts from someone who prior was not always negative, I will usually skip or skim through them if bothered by it knowing that I too have been there. I look at blogging just like I do my voice, I speak my mind. If I am in a dark place and I speak or write it, it is everyone else's free will whether they will listen/read. I am very fortunate to have true friends who are honest with me and call me out when I get in those ruts. I only wish the same for everyone else. Have you tried posting replies and asking questions or stating that their posts seem rather dark and depressing and perhaps they should try and seek help or change their outlook? Some people are just more comfortable being miserable and you know the old saying "misery loves company". They are reaching out for others affirmations of misery sometimes, but sometimes, it's just a bad run of life.
mary and ange...thank you sooo...i appreciate your words and all your words spoken...truth lies within...thank you...
inannasstar..~oh oh i think you may have misunderstood my post a bit...i was speaking in reguards to a few people in my life...that i see...not so by the blogging world...i am delighted by those i choose to follow and i admire their process and way of thinking...i appreciate it...its those in my life at the moment who are not willing to look within themselves and try a make a change for a better...always appreciate your way and thoughts...true to yourself you are...thank you~
You know Grandpa rocks, don't ya?
I found it very telling this typo in your post: "apart of our daily lives" - notice how you put the a w/ part so instead of them being a piece of your daily lives they are now apart/separate from your daily lives.
This is hard stuff - deciding whether to let friendships pass - scarey stuff too - I have been in this valley a few times myself - but can't remember a time when it didin't turn out for the best - sending you love and strength :)
Negative whiners and complainers always want an audience. Don't waste your precious life by being that audience for them. That's a lesson I learned the hard way. Now I try to have only positive people with good attitudes in my life. That doesn't mean that they don't have hard times too -- everyone does -- but they don't wallow in negativity and self-pity about it.
I had a friend for a few years that was so toxic, you could practically see the negativity rolling off her. I thought that I was being a good friend by sticking with her, but she just about crippled me with her nastiness. I am such a healthier person for not having her in my life anymore.
I know what you mean about having bloggers feel like friends. There is an energy in a group of people who care about one another - even if it is merely an online interaction.
I am thankful for you, and your beautiful, cheerful nature!
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~your thoughts i do adore...thank you so for taking time to leave your words of wisdom~