a glimpse~
i think around age seven
i started putting pen to paper
writing my thoughts down
i was in love with keeping secrets tucked away
as i grew older
there came a time
when that writing stopped
there was a kind of pain
that even i was afraid to see
afraid to discover what would fill that blank space
i did not want to see the words from my heart
though it would have brought much clarity in my time of need
i got past that fear
and one day began writing again
i freed myself from being held captive
imprisoned by my choices
that had kept me a deep dark hole
it wasn't until years had gone by
i was going to an acupuncturist
she asked if i journaled
i told her yes
she asked me
what do i do with them
i told her
i have kept each and every one
she told me
i have not let go of much of pain
and that i needed to release myself
from such words that have been saved
i told her NO
she asked me why
and i shared with her
that one day
my littles will find them
and they will be able to read
they will come to know me
in a way
that never could be
if i got rid of them
though there is bad
there is also good
there is progression
that has lead me to where i am today
i want them to understand me for who i was
growing up through the years
i want them to one day realize
i really did know and feel
certain emotions
that i could empathize from experience
to see that life is and was never perfect
as hard as we try
there will always be bumps along the way
we will get sidetracked
fall off the beaten path
but you can always find your way
it is my story
and one that will remain
webster and i
well we have just recently
become acquainted
with one another
but i do have to say
i think this friendship will be everlasting
you see
he doesn't mind
my random thoughts
good or bad
deep or silly
he accepts me just as i am
no complaining
or
telling me
to do so or to be so
webster is my kind of friend
17 comments:
you are so very wise. and also kind to your wee ones. my own mother left this realm with secrets and hurts tied around her like a mantle. i will never know who frances really was. i can never picture her as a whole person. only gimpses she let slip out. a shame.
i like your partnership with webster......clever, cleansing, powerful
Oma Linda
OOOOOOOhhhh what have you done to the dictionary, you vandal, you. Hahahaha! Just kidding. My dear, your beautiful penmanship reveals your artistic soul! I agree with you. I think most people who journal are not the exhibitionist kind. There are women and men who journal for posterity or just for catharsis. How is the weather there? We have storms here today. The ground is flooded. We need the rain, though. Have a great weekend!
I've had journals for years. I've never been one to speak my feelings, but writing has been so healing for me. Like Linda said, my mom left this world with many secrets, so many that I never even knew about my dad's family until I grew older and started working on my genealogy. My sons will always know who they are and where they came from. There will be no secrets for them.
Mary
i like that your wee one's will one day "read all about it - you". I'm thinking they will love it.
thank goodness for writing, and reading, and today.
wishing you all a happy day, happy night. ((hugs)) across the distance.
I'm so glad I read this post today. I have been wrestling with this very thought regarding my kiddos, and what I have to say via the written word!!! (I threw all of my old journals away...isn't that sad? There was a time when I read them, and I didn't like reliving the old thoughts. I wish I had had this knowledge then.)
Mr. Webster is happy to get attention these days. Everything is all "Miss Spell Check" now.
I love this post, Brandi. I think there are some people (like us!) who have the need to release and free our thoughts, be it in words or images. Emotions make us the people we are and I think keeping them inside will only turn us numb and eventually let us wilt away.
What a great legacy you will be giving to your children - to know you and your inner thoughts so much better by saving the journals you have kept so closely over the years. And I just adore your art in Webster. :) Such important words you have chosen to illustrate - literally and figuratively - what you are feeling inside. :)
I love that you journal in Webster!! gorgeous fun and deep.
journals are personal for sure.... may your journals continue to be a sanctuary for you.
I LOVE this idea. I might have to borrow it, if you don't mind. I have been trying to get closer and more personal with my dictionary and this looks like the best way.
Thank you million times for this post,my dear friend!!!
I love your spirit and your mood...truly you are one of the mostly creative and fantastic person:-)
My hugs and sparkles to you,
***Vioetta***
I love Webster and what you are doing with him!
I recently went through my box of old journals ... seems like others were talking about whether to keep or liberate oneself ... I also elected to hold on to them (it's only one box) for many of the reasons you listed. Although some of the more self indulgent ones may go by the wayside ... I am no longer that person and while it was a necessary phase, that snake's skin is no longer needed and could pose more harm than good. But others, oh they are still lovely to behold and I want my girl to know that version of me. Not always nice, but honest and trying.
Thank you for your lovely words on my blog ... some of my writing there is like a public journal where I work through my struggles and come out on the other side changed and healed. Such was "that" difficult post which taught me so much ... I hope the learning and the words will continue ...
xo Lis
I love this SO MUCH Brandi!!
AND I know Webster (as well as your babies ;) will be proud! Good for saving them all - WHAT an amazing story that will be! xoxo
I love how you have used the Webster pages to write on. Words are so powerful! I too have struggled over the years with what to do with so many journals. Recently when we started to clean out house to prepare for our upcoming move, I found a big box filled with old journals. Some were so painful that I threw them out; others I kept. Sometimes I write an entry that is so deep and personal that I end up tearing it out of the journal and throwing it away for fear that it would land in the wrong hands. Writing is so therapeutic.
Webster, I imagine, is grateful you rescued him from the dusty shelves of a Thrift store....where so many unused dictionaries go....
This is a splendid relationship...and a clever idea!
Oh my gosh, what a wonderful project! I LOVE what you've done to make Webster more inspiring!
I was just talking with my bestie about the subject of old journals from much younger years. It's hard to read them sometimes, but I think it's a wise choice to keep them for the day that your kids say "you couldn't understand how I feel." Smart Mommy.
Hello Brandi, I just stopped by to say hello. Hope yu are well. Tsup!
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~your thoughts i do adore...thank you so for taking time to leave your words of wisdom~