a letter to me~

every year i write a letter to my little ones...i reflect upon the year that passed...so as i sat here this morning feeling a bit stale, nothing really to spark up and write...this came to mind

why not a letter to me

this is a fresh start to a new year that will pass, so i shall write ...

for every second we lose one another is brought into this world...there is an abundance of saddness and pain out there at the moment yet an overflowing amount of people celebrating a new life coming to be...it is the constant...something that no one can deny and i would guarantee no one will argue with the mere fact of life and death...why you wonder am i writing this on such a happy day...well this thought holds clear in my mind...we have suffered loss this past year and it is what eventually brought me here...

i watched a life unfold before my very eyes, i felt a soul longing to say goodbye...the months watching brought reality right forward...i could not hide...well i guess i could have but chose not...through all of that i walked away with a life changing mindset...

growth number one~ sometimes we are unaware of how much we can handle and endure...how strong our inner desires really are until we are faced with a choice...do you stand tall and muster up all that is in you or do you run away in fear? well i stood my ground...pulled courage and happiness from the depths of my inner being and was quite amazed at how strong of a person i truly was...i cared and supported beyond means i ever thought was possible for me...

growth two~ i learned and accepted defeat...through such suffering, emotions were running wild...mine included...there was not alot of together time and out of tiredness, hurting and frustration...emotions  consumed by fury...i learned from those moments my opinion not always need be heard...that i need to just BE...i need not analize and disect a situation...i learned we say things out of pain reguardless if hurtful or not...and it is ok to forgive and forget...move forward and not look back at that moment...accept...not just say but truly accept what sorry means...we are all at fault for that at one point in our lives...but mine were many...it was hard for me to let go of what had been said until i beat it over the head a thousand times until it absolutly became a pointless circle of nonsense...i have learned!

growth three~ we have ONE life...one shot at how we are going to live...we can not go back in time and change what once was...only move forward each day...i learned to let go of what once was and savor the memory of such...we can not live in the past...wishing...but only hope for what the future holds for us...though i have not let go of memories...i savor them in my mind and merely reflect upon such joyous times...thankful i have what is now...and embrace what i have each day and strive for what is to come...

growth four~ i am bolder...i have been taking lessons from many...not really...ok some...but learning to truly listen to people around me and learning what boundries are...i CAN set boundries and IT is a healthy mindset to hold...i have learned it is ok to say no...therefor i will not be walked on anymore!

 thats kind of some big GROWTH!

growth five~ there is so much I WANT TO DO...so instead of waiting for it to come to me...well i am HERE writing and sharing and trying things that make my world go round...things that makes my heart sing in happiness...i have been stepping outside that narrow hesitant quiet life i lived and trying my hand at new exciting things...if we do not push ourselves now...then WHEN!?! no one else can bring such satisfaction to our stirring being except oursleves...others just help fill the spaces around it..we all have to look within first and please that void...

growth six~ i am who i am...reguardless of what you think or feel...reguardless of what opinion or thought you have...i am ME...every year i walk stronger in this path...it is something that has been in me for a long time..i have learned even more to be true to myself...i am individual...unique...no one else the same...maybe similar but never the same...that is what makes us so special! i walk a different path than any in my family and friends...i choose to wear and do different things to my body that others shun their head...maybe a tad defiant...but truly for me and not what your eyes please...but mainly i have learned to not feel compelled alwasy justifing the why's...let those voice their opinion for whatever satisfaction it brings forth and really there is no reason i need to always rebuttle and back up my own thoughts...let it fly by...because they choose to remain narrow...petty...oh but NOT I.. will remeber to remain open minded and accepting...

growth seven~ i am trying hard to learn to balance a husband and children...its easy fo rme to care for my children and husband but as i said a day or so back i need to always remeber my marriage...nourish it...as our little ones are growing and even though i refer to them as my little ones well they are not so little...there will come a day when they are ready to spread their wings and soar through this life and what will remain is my husband and i...where will we be...MADLY IN LOVE...because i choose now to take a stand and make time for eachother without little ones with constantly with us...no guilt be held...big lesson to be accepting of...

so i guess my wish for this new year is to continually work towards becoming the person i want to BE and LIVE that life i am alwasy seeking...i wish to always grow in strength and wisdom as there is always so much to learn ...i wish to forever remain true to myself and in the end when the day comes i will not have regrets of...if only i did this...

because i can do it now...no limitations...

so as i end this

♥

i also WISH YOU the same....

♥