~serendipity~

with the season on its merry way, i have been full of thoughts on reconnecting with my spiritual side....something that has been haunting me for a few years, i feel is ready to say goodbye...i used to journal constantly, this was less a happy journaling path but an way to release my anger, saddness and woes...

i have held onto these hoping that my children would one day read them and have a deeper insight to their mama....what was brought to my attention was : why would you want your children to read only the bad that happened, does it truely symbolize who you are, wouldn't you want them to see you for you? i do believe both the good and the bad are what help shape us daily into who we are, whether we are learning and growing from trials and tribulations or rejoicing in the greatness of our lives...second: how can you let go of the past if you forever hold onto those moments, you have  not forgotten, but kept them as a reminder of moments that continue to haunt you....you have not moved forward but remain still...reliving those days...

this is true to me.... pondering the bad and those moments come out when i feel angry...this is unfair and unhealthy...change is hard for me and accepting, letting go... is challenging...i have always held onto everything...collecting, saving, hiding...but why? i have so much more happiness in my life that should overcome the need for savoring the bad...the sad, the ugly.

my journals are private, they are special, they helped me through moments no one else could but i have realized my children shouldn't have to relive my pain in order to know me better...i am me now...and that is what i want them to remember....the wise woman in my life explained that if i rid these i can move forward...

i need to move forward, so as the days are moving on so can i....

during the evening of our blue moon,  (something that happens once in blue moon almost never happens) i WILL create my sacred space...light a fire...and well "ashes to ashes dust to dust"...my life will move on